Welcome to a new yet short series I wanted to do as a way to close out my twenties and pass on some valuable advice. I’ll talk about dating, body image and self-esteem and the working world from a female perspective.

This will be a 3-part series and will last only to the end of 2018. Why you might ask? Well,  in just 2 months, I will cross over into a new decade: my 30s.

Who says you really have to grow up?

It’s a little bit scary to type that out on paper so to speak but they are literally just around the corner for me. My twenties have been hands down the best decade for me personally and they have largely been full of things I’ve wanted to do or places I’ve wanted to go. It’s truly the decade where I not only found my voice but my home abroad, my purpose and passion in life.

But, before I embark on a new decade, I wanted to pass on some advice I’ve learned through my own life experiences to those who will still be going through the trenches and navigating these very formative years.

So, without further ado…these are my unedited thoughts on love and dating in the 21st century – after years of trial and error and now one long-term relationship later.

Intro

The dress that helped me land a second date with the man of my dreams.

I’m a straight, white female, of average height and with average looks. In today’s world of plastic surgery, Photoshopping, liposuction, breast augmentations and perfectly polished social media feeds, it’s almost impossible to stand out and hold a guy’s attention in the world we live in today.

That is if you are under the impression that beauty is merely skin deep.

Millions have bought into the lie that appearance and sexual attraction are the two major factors when looking for a significant other. If you don’t feel that spark or there’s no initial attraction from the moment you meet them, then the short answer is that person isn’t the one for you.

Simple as that.

Or is it?

I won’t deny that yes, you need to be attracted to a person before you start dating or get into a relationship. However, I will say that how someone looks isn’t everything. A lot of times an intellectual mind or a vibrant personality can transform that person into the most attractive man or woman on the planet.

Go against the grain and look for that person who has outstanding character. Someone who can make you smile even when everything in your life is falling apart. Someone who you can go from being silly on a Sunday afternoon to sharing a tender, romantic embrace to discussing current events in the world.

Looks won’t last more than a couple of decades but a personality lasts a lifetime.

This type of person is going to be harder to find, yes, but it will be worth it. Trust me.

(If you’re losing hope in your own journey, keep believing. It can be rough at times but it’s worth it.)

How to get a guy’s attention in the 21st century

You might have to send a few dozen selfies before you meet the right guy.

Meeting in person vs meeting online

In 2018, there are so many ways you can meet someone. Distance is no longer an obstacle when it comes to staying in touch with them or showing them how you live your daily life. And the number of ways you can contact someone has increased to nearly a dozen (or more)!

If you’ve ever seen the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You (2009) you may remember Jennifer Aniston’s character saying,

“I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn’t. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.” Quote from IMDB. Click for more.

Dating relationships in movies and dating relationships in real life are not the same in the slightest a lot of times. (Photo taken from here)

The funny thing about that movie now is that almost all of those technologies aren’t even used to contact someone post-date. And that was only 9 years ago! (I do feel slightly old saying that but oh, well, haha).

Instead of listing out all the ways you can contact someone now, I’m just going to say that while it’s perfectly okay to meet someone online (and then later on in person), you should ideally strive to spend the least amount of time getting to know them online.

If you’re an introvert like me, you may not mind texting or messaging a guy you like first before you meet them in person. This mostly described the way I would go about things the first year and a half I spent casually dating or meeting guys from different parts of Spain (and the UK). My friends, who were in real, long-term relationships told me that nothing can quite replicate the way you feel or interact with someone in person.

Seeing them with your own eyes (and not by way of a webcam). Listening to their accent or the way their voice changes when they talk about their life or tell you about their favorite things. Watching their face morph into dozens of expressions instead of just settling for an emoji to tell you how they feel. Brushing your hand against theirs either accidentally or on purpose. Locking eyes with them or catching them stare at you with a dazed look in their eyes while you’re unaware.

All of these things are key things that you must experience with someone in person before you can really know for sure if you’d like to go on a second or third date. Or to help you decide whether or not you like them.

And though I had gone on several in-person dates about 2-3 years ago in Northwestern Spain, I let myself get caught up with guys who knew how to write the right things but I let months go by (and distance was an issue) before I ever met them in person.

I didn’t know what I was missing out on.

But, after having the experiences I had, I hope you will take the advice I should’ve taken at that time in my life:

If you meet someone online, try to move as quickly as you possibly can to meeting them in person. Spend the least amount of time talking to them virtually and more time one on one.

Though I don’t highly recommend Tinder, I have used it and surprisingly met a good amount of interesting guys (even two PhD candidates) mostly in Santiago de Compostela in 2015-2016.

The funny thing about life is that sometimes it will throw you a curveball or put someone in your path whom you never saw coming.

What I mean by that is how I met my now boyfriend. We met in person through a mutual friend at a local café in the city where we both lived. For anyone that loves a sweet, wholesome story, the first time we ever met was at the Bible study he was asked (by said mutual friend) to lead. I wasn’t interested in native English speakers (let alone ones who spoke differently than I did) at the time so I first got to know him as a friend. I thought he was really cool but he soon moved away from Santiago de Compostela and I didn’t know if I would see him again but I became friends with him on Facebook to stay in touch.

It all started with a cup of tea…and the rest is (a rather long) history. [Lusco y Fusco Café/Bakery in Santiago makes amazing tea and baked goods by the way!]

It’s funny how life can change so quickly in just a few short years.

But remember that the time will pass no matter if you say “yes” to a date with this guy or that guy. So do yourself a favor and disconnect from this technology-obsessed culture and have a cup of coffee (tea) with someone, face to face.

You’ll thank yourself later. 😉

Should a girl ever ask a guy out, even for an “informal date” (coffee, a walking tour, a drink, etc)?

Unlike the teachers at my Christian high school and most of my American Christian friends, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with men and women being friends. I grew up with an older brother and had lots of friends who were guys. I was friends with a few girls my age (and later made friends with more girls in college) but they were few and far between.

The main thing you need to keep in mind here is to set boundaries. Don’t open yourself up right away to every guy you meet, even if he seems like the nicest and kindest guy in the world. Just like you would with friends, don’t spurt out your whole life story to someone you’ve just met. Let the stories and experiences come out naturally and organically. Let it run its course and don’t feel like you need to rush to tell them this life story or that tragic experience.

A cup of tea is really the best way to start to get to know someone.

On the contrary, if you live abroad, it’s highly likely you’ll move past the more superficial getting to know you questions with someone a lot quicker. The depth of your conversations could be escalated due to a number of different factors: you’re both from the same country, you both actually speak the same language, you both went to the same college but different years, you both lived somewhere else in the world and loved it. The list of possible similarities could be up to a mile or two long!

Regardless of what commonality draws you and another person together, you also can’t forget to factor in culture. The culture and subculture you grew up in will affect you for the rest of your life. And where you currently live will affect how you interact with people daily and live your life. While you may have been able to wait for a guy to ask for your number or ask your friend to ask one of his friends if he likes you (side note: don’t ever do this, it’s childish) back home, you may not be able to do those things where you live now.

Find someone who will send you a greeting card just because. Those people are the best! 🙂

Let me give you some examples.

In Spain, men aren’t as proactive as American or British guys are. I’ve gone out with Spanish guys and while most of them were very nice and we held good conversations -or even met up another time-, they tended to be very passive when it came to taking the initiative to make plans or ask me personal questions in person. I had one guy text me after we had a drink and a tapa if I liked him. I ended up saying no -and still would’ve said no because our lifestyles were actually quite different- but I would’ve liked it if he had asked me that question in person.

One of the major things that turned me off from dating a Spanish guy was the lack of initiative and passivity towards relationships. Maybe I’ve only met shy, more introverted Spanish guys? I don’t know… I did learn from those dates that, while I’m a very headstrong and independent woman, I want a man to ask me out. I want to see that he will follow through on his word.

But in my relationship now, sometimes I plan or give a suggestion as to what we do on a date for that given day or weekend. It’s not called compromise, in this case, it’s called teamwork.

Helado, xeado, gelato, ice cream…whatever word you use for it, this can be a simple yet fun date, too!

In North America, where I’m from, guys tend to put pressure on girls to be more physical with them early on in the dating phase. There are some British guys who are like this as well -I’ve met at least one- but it depends on what part of the British Isles they’re from. Even other regions of England are quite different from one another! (Things you don’t learn about at school in the US, haha).

In my experiences with crushing on American guys-I’ve never dated one-, I found a lot of them to be focused on staying one place. Graduating from college, getting a good job, moving up in the company or relocating to a new department and then….just living their life in the same place. I’ve met a few in different European countries who like to travel but most never really seem to want to stay living abroad. Or in Florida, I found that the guys I liked preferred to stay in Florida. The fact that I was from a different state (and the North) seemed to be an unspoken deal breaker. My mom has always told me, “the best things are the farthest away,” so I could never understand why distance could be a deal breaker for someone.

That is until I met three British guys who would all alter the course of my life to some degree or another. Looking back on those meetings,  I realize that I met them in three distinct years and at three distinct points in my life. And at three different ages, too. British (read: English) men are a lot more formal when you first meet them. They also don’t share intimate details of their lives with just anyone. You have to get to know them quite well before they will. And it may take several dates and endless amounts of chatting later to really move into the title of “close friend” or “girlfriend” for that matter. If you’re willing to invest the time into getting to know them and the feeling is mutual, it will be worth it.

What’s my point after all those twists and turns we just took navigating through other cultures?

Well, the answer to the question I asked earlier is that it depends on you. I have asked guys out before and it hasn’t always gone well. But, over the years, I found that while I don’t see a problem with a girl asking a guy out, I prefer a man takes more initiative with me. I was let down immensely by someone else a couple years ago and got emotionally invested in him way too soon and that taught me a big lesson. If a man liked me and wanted to date me, I needed to see that he was not only serious but that he would keep his word. That he wouldn’t let distance or time or work stop him from seeing me.

And if you’re a bit shy, you can go on a date with another couple. Having other people around might lighten the mood for you. 🙂

It was a hard lesson to learn at the time but if you learn to wait for this type of man, you’ll save yourself a lot of inner turmoil and heartache.

Just like in the Plaza Mayor de Salamanca (or any square in the world), everyone’s got places to go and people to see. That’s life.

Focus on being the person you were created to be. If this photo describes you, great. If not, be that girl. Just don’t ever pretend to be someone you’re not.

Changing yourself to be who they want you to be or dressing up for a man

The above photo leads right into what my remaining thoughts on this

Don’t try to change your personality or physical appearance into something that’s not naturally you. If someone isn’t completely head-over-heels for who you are, then they’re not for you.

Remember earlier in the post when I mentioned the dress I wore that landed me a second date with the man of my dreams?

Well, I didn’t necessarily wear it because the guy I was going out on a date with loves the color blue. And I didn’t buy a new dress just for him.

I found it in a cute shop while I had a short layover in Sevilla after my train arrived (and before I caught a bus to where he lived) and I knew I would feel amazing in it. I also didn’t have a dress packed in my bag…so I had to find something. Luckily Spain is full of inexpensive clothing stores (and I wasn’t shopping in Madrid) which reassured me that I would find something before that Friday night.

An ad that would later haunt me for most of my first year in Madrid because I was trying to forget a similar guy I shouldn’t have been trying to impress in the first place.

The difference between that experience and another first date weekend I had was this:

I didn’t need to buy the dress in order to make the guy like me.

He already did and I liked him, too.

I bought that blue dress in 2017 because I wanted to put my best foot forward if/when our date weekend turned into something more serious.

So, my advice for you, if you’re a young, inexperienced woman who wants to date and meet guys is to always be the best version of yourself. Keep these things in mind when going on a date with a guy:

• Arrive on time
• Maintain good hygiene and dress sharply
• Be attentive towards the other person (if it’s getting late or if they need to drive a long ways in bad weather, let them leave)
• Relax, keep a good conversation going – and enjoy yourself!

Dating and being in a relationship means sacrifice

There’s no other way to describe this section other than to be blunt.

Relationships aren’t easy but the amount of effort you have to exert may not seem like such a task once you’ve found the right person. How can you tell? It will come naturally to you.

After all the dozens (or hundreds) of times telling your life’s narrative, what you’re looking for in a mate, your hobbies, what languages you speak, places you want to visit, dates and outings, splitting the check or not splitting the check, deciding whether or not to kiss their cheek or their lips, writing hundreds upon thousands of texts, waiting for phone calls/messages/FaceTimes, it’s a worthwhile sacrifice if the person you’re pursuing is pursuing you at the same time and at the same speed.

Even if it means you have to wait until you’re 29 to receive your first bouquet of flowers.

Above all, I would urge you to not look for someone who gives you the most excitement or the most thrill but someone who gives you the most peace. Someone who helps you. Someone who calms your fears and worries and most of all, someone who pours gasoline on the passions in your life and sets them ablaze.

If the person you like or the person you’re dating right now, only brings more trouble into your life and you constantly have to beg them to remember to do things…cut them out of your life.

If I’ve learned anything in the eleven years I’ve spent living away from home it’s this: don’t keep someone around if all you are to them is an option.

A guy who is committed to and devoted having a healthy relationship with you will have you as his highest priority and he will still be able to balance everything else in life.

The verdict: is it worth it?

It definitely is once you find the person who looks at you the way you look at tacos or (insert favorite food here).

Is there anything I missed? Anything you’d like to add? Join the discussion below. I’d love to hear your experiences of dating someone from your own country or any foreign ones.

Stay tuned for part two of the Confessions of a Late 20-Something series next month!

I wasn’t nervous about my impending reconstructive surgery until the nurse walked into my room and swiftly attached a pole to the back of the hospital bed where I lay and it sprung and rolled to life. Next stop: the operating room.

Suddenly my world was gliding at a slow but steady speed backwards and the friend who was casually perched on the edge of the sofa next to my bed, began to fade from my sight. It helped slightly that I could only see a blurred outline of her silhouette in front of the window in my private room. I had long since taken off my glasses in order to mentally and physically prepare myself the rest of the way for this surgery. The fact that my surroundings were now fuzzy and out of focus didn’t impede my mind from entertaining anxious thoughts and letting them dance around inside my head. The day I had waited nearly 15 years for had finally come.

My room at Hospital La Luz. Can you just imagine how much this would cost per night in a US hospital?…

But how exactly did I end up here?

Background Info

Let’s back up a few years, shall we?

When I was 13 years old, my parents allowed me to get my ears pierced for the very first time. It was all I could think about when I was 12. The closer it got to my next birthday, the more I began to count down the days. It seemed like all of the other girls at school had already gotten theirs done years ago. Some even as babies. Nevertheless, my parents wanted me to wait until I got older as I needed longer to mature in some aspects of life than others. In hindsight, they were right. Yet even still, I should’ve waited a few more years before I had the piercing done. Why, do you ask? It’s an interesting yet cringe worthy story.

Several months after I got my ears pierced, I began to experiment with earrings, like any normal teenage girl would. I started trying out all sorts of earrings–all shapes, sizes and colors–though my modest allowance didn’t provide me with a lot of cash to spend on them. Besides, those multi-pack, inexpensive earrings from Claire’s at the mall would suffice.

Earrings or no earrings, I’m glad I don’t look like an awkward teenager anymore!

At the same time, I began to get a little lazy with the overall care of my ears and that extended to whether or not I took my earrings out at night.

I was old enough to know better to not sleep with them in but young enough to not comprehend the consequences if I did.

And now here comes one of the most heart wrenching moments of my life.

That summer my mom, brother and I were spending two weeks with my grandparents at their home in rural Nebraska. I was enjoying my time there and showed off my earrings with glee to all of the family members present. However, after five days of sleeping in dangly earrings in a row, I felt that something wasn’t right with my ear the morning of that muggy, mid-August day. I woke up and felt around my ear and quickly shot out of my bed and darted off to the bathroom across the hall. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and gasped in shock at the image before me. My eyes were fixated on the now droopy right ear. I was in disbelief that that was happening. With the state of my ear as it was and how it clearly was unable to support regular earrings after what I had done to it, I did the only thing I could think to do next: I pulled it out with a slight pop and let the earlobe rip.

What I didn’t realize at the time was simultaneously, a little tear also began to appear in my self-image and self-esteem that day. It was tiny and unnoticeable at first but over the years, I let it grow into something much bigger than the small tear in my ear. And that was just the start of what would become a long journey to restoration, both physically and emotionally speaking.

Nebraska: surprisingly diverse geographically but also the perfect place to spend my summers during childhood.

The sensation I felt at that moment in time over 16 years ago, and later on, the desire to repair that ear never went away.

My journey to restoring a part of me I hid for over a decade was an exhausting and frustrating one at times. I hadn’t had health insurance for the majority of my life. Just for a few years when I was a child and my dad was in the military and then later on in college when I was a student and having some coverage was mandatory to attend. And coming from the United States where almost all healthcare services are privatized, it wasn’t likely that I would be able to receive full coverage for a procedure that seemed to fall under the category of plastic surgery.

However, it wasn’t until many years later, in Santiago de Compostela, Spain, where I was teaching English in a primary school, that I became aware of how to repair my ear. After speaking with a receptionist at a local health clinic, just to inquire about the cost of plastic surgery for an ear, the friendly and informative lady told me that it didn’t qualify for that type of surgery. She went on to say that an ear nose and throat doctor would be the best person to see about it and proceeded to schedule an appointment for me.

I walked away from the clinic in disbelief and with a million thoughts swirling around in my head.

I would later have to miss a day of work in order to get the surgery done but that was a small sacrifice to make. (Photo: 3rd grade classroom at CEIP Padre Coloma in Madrid)

My private insurance plan provided for me by the Spanish government while I taught English as a language assistant in the public school system covered everything: from doctor’s visits to tests, x-rays…You name it, it was covered.

Could it possibly cover this entire surgical procedure?

I would soon find out that the answer was yes.

Yes, it would.

As much as I wanted to get the procedure done in Galicia, it was not meant to be. (Photo: a beautiful view of Playa de Riazor in A Coruña)

But, in the end, I wasn’t able to have the procedure performed in the north of Spain. The reason being that my insurance for that school year had already expired by the time my appointment rolled around.

Nevertheless, I had to wait a few months after my move to the capital city and revisit the idea of this surgery again. In Madrid, I found an excellent ear, nose and throat doctor at a private hospital just a short walk from my apartment in the north of the city. After a few weeks of consultations, a blood analysis and an EKG test, the surgery date was set for early April 2017.

That was just the first step in my journey to restoration but it was the most important one.

The night before my surgery, as my nerves began to gnaw at me, I indulged in a bit of earring shopping. It was something I hadn’t done enough of in my life. I wouldn’t need them until a few weeks later once my ear had time to heal and was ready for the earring to be inserted. I went to sleep that night with a sense of peace and knew that within 12 hours from that moment, physically speaking, I would never be the same again.

A part of me would be restored and my life would forever be better for it.

If you work hard enough, all your dreams can come true. Even in a big city 4,000 miles away from home.

The Procedure

Let me go back to the day of the surgery that I started to recount in the beginning of this post. I woke up early the next day on April 6th, 2017. It was a Thursday and normally a day I would have to work but I was able to get the day cleared by my very strict school principal at the time. I was within a 15 minute walk of the hospital, Hospital La Luz, but I caught the metro to get there a bit quicker.

The surgery wouldn’t be performed at the time in which I was scheduled (9 a.m.) due to some paperwork delays.

*Shakes head*

A couple weeks prior to the surgery, my doctor instructed me to call my insurance company, MAPFRE, so that they could authorize the procedure and select the correct code for it in the system. As far as I understood, I did this correctly when I called and spoke with an agent.

I did not. Oops.

I almost wanted to go watch a sunrise somewhere instead of being at the hospital so early and on an empty stomach… (Photo: Puerta de Alcala)

However, when I arrived at the hospital that morning and went to the section of the first floor lobby labeled, “Registrar” (Registration), the employees told me that I didn’t have the green light for the surgery. I sort of panicked at that time (as this particular doctor only did surgeries on Thursdays) but it was mainly hunger speaking as I had to fast for this procedure and the local anesthesia they would administer.

After a couple of attempts on my own dime (and a few euros later), I went back up to the registration desk and asked if the lady could help me with the authorization. The main issue I was having was that I didn’t know what type of surgery I was having medically speaking. The doctor had something recorded in his reports on file on his computer but he was in a different surgery at the time I was trying to call and the insurance agent was trying to find the correct code.

A frustrating situation to deal with on an empty stomach if you ask me.

I was really grateful for the company of a new friend who wanted to be with me during the time of my surgery. She was actually the only person I knew who had mornings free and that was a blessing to us both. We found we had a few more things in common than we thought and got to know each other better. All the while distracting my tired mind and growling stomach from the many tempting foods I could be snacking on.

After what seemed like an eternity, the lady at registration came over to our side of the large waiting room with good news and a smile on her lips. She told us she was able to reach the doctor and got the correct medical code for the surgery. Which meant the surgery was now authorized and I was all set! She did the rest of the paperwork for me and told me to go up to the second floor and its reception desk to receive more instructions.

We gathered up my stuff and paperwork and made our way over to the set of six elevators there on the main floor.

I later learned that there were a couple of elevators to the left of the front desk that would take us straight up to the second floor and its reception desk but it didn’t matter. (That shows that I had been inside that hospital one too many times but oh, well, haha. I used that tip for the follow-up appointment.)

Once we reached the correct floor and I checked in there (and was given an ID bracelet), they directed me to the room I was assigned for the surgery, that my insurance paid for. The fact that I was having surgery in just under an hour still didn’t officially hit me.

Not even after I had changed into the hospital gown in the adjoining bathroom. Or when my friend asked me if I was feeling nervous.

Though I only had the room for a few hours, I wished I could’ve used this shower! Pretty nice for a private hospital, huh?

Nope, I was still mostly focusing on how hungry I still was. (Distracted much? haha)

It wasn’t until the nurse who I was assigned latched a pole onto the back of my bed and said we needed to head up to the 11th floor. I looked at him quizzically and asked,

–Por qué tenemos que ir al piso once? (Why do we need to go to the 11th floor?)

He smiled.

–Allí está la sala de operación y donde le veremos al médico.

(The operating room is there and that’s where we’ll see the doctor.)

OK, then it got real! I was going to the operating room?! But why?

The doctor actually came into my room a couple moments later. He instructed the nurse to bring me up, after lightly scolding me that I should’ve planned ahead in order to get the surgery authorized on a day that wasn’t the day of the surgery. Oops. Well, other than that he was glad to see me and was ready to get the procedure on its way.

So, going back to the beginning of the story, the nurse then latched a pole onto the back of my bed, turned it and then rolled it across the room, down the hall and into the next available elevator.

At least I got to admire this view in Northern Madrid later on that day.

Another nurse or technician was already in the elevator and started to make small talk with us. Meanwhile, I tried to hold back a nervous smile during the elevator ride but it backfired. The nurse who was with me looked down at me at just that moment and inquired,

– Estás bien? Estás triste? (Are you OK? Are you sad?)

– No, solo es que estoy un poco nerviosa… (No, I’m just a little nervous is all.)

The real thoughts running through my mind: Why on earth am I going up to the operating room? This is practically one of the smallest surgeries in the world! Why do I need to go there?

Well, it was so I could be in a more sterile environment, I learned afterwards.

And once we got off the elevator at our stop, he took me and my bed on another trip, down another hall and whoosh..through the doors of said operating room in one full sweep.

The ride was over for now.

But the main event of the day was just about to begin.

A close-up of my torn right earlobe. It was soon going to be a thing of the past and something I no longer had to hide.

While a couple of nurses began to get things set up, the anesthesiologist asked me a couple of questions and prepped my arm for the administration of the local anesthesia and an antibiotic to help me with the pain. Carlos, my doctor, also asked me a couple of questions, calmed my anxious mind and said the procedure would be over quite quickly. All I had to do was relax. But he also urged me to tell him if I needed anything or if I was uncomfortable during the surgery.

Then, after covering my face with a sheet of polyester fabric and cutting out an ear sized hole in it, the surgery got underway.

I was so thankful for the numbing power of the anesthesia as I didn’t feel anything during the time he was stitching me up. However, I felt a bit of the needle towards the end (as I didn’t realize I could ask for more anesthesia, oops!) but I survived.

And then I had to keep my ear and its stitches wrapped up for a whole 24 hours. Funny thing was trying to keep it on for a couple days later as I was flying to Switzerland the very next morning. The only cost I incurred from the surgery was an antiseptic cream I bought in Italy and the cost per minute to call my insurance company.

The post-surgery stitches I had to keep in until April 27th, 2017. (Otherwise known as the first day I got to wear an earring in that ear as an adult!)

(Plus, the doctor said weeks before I would be okay if I traveled sooo….)

That was it. A surgery that lasted less than an hour but changed the rest of the course of my life. And freed me to tap back into a part of me I had pushed down for too many years.

I had quite a few years of earring shopping to make up for (and a whole collection to pick up from back home whenever I could make it there).

I bought the middle pair of earrings but the other two pairs were gifted to me by two special people in my life. 🙂

Reflections

It’s now been a full year since I finished the healing and recovery process from that surgery. I would have to go back and look at which day in particular I took the earring out and finally got to stop sleeping with them every night. I was so relieved that day.

But the most ironic thing about my whole experience from torn earlobe to restorative surgery later was that the very thing that hurt me, healed me. If I hadn’t slept in the dangly earrings in the first place, I wouldn’t have needed the surgery.

But, if I hadn’t slept in the earrings like the doctor instructed me to do (and spent four months without sleeping on either of my sides), it wouldn’t have healed and the hole wouldn’t have formed correctly.

Isn’t life funny sometimes?

All that I have left from that experience is a scar. That scar will be visible whenever I take an earring out of that ear and it’s a mark on my body that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life. It’s something I’m still learning to accept and embrace. The good news is that the emotional scars have begun to fade ever since the first stitch was sewn that beautiful spring day. It’s amazing how much change and healing even the smallest surgeries can manifest. Even when you’re the only one who knows the aftereffects.

The most important lesson I learned from this whole experience was that you should embrace yourself, imperfections and all, as you never know if someone else around you is struggling to accept themselves. Your story might be the one that has enough impact to motivate them to overcome their insecurity. And that is what I hope my story can do for you.

After all the years of pain, self-shaming and hiding, a part of me was restored. And it took traveling all the way to Spain and building a life for myself here to finally get to that point. (Photo: Plaza de España, Sevilla – my favorite place in the whole world)

Have you ever gotten a surgery done abroad? Where were you (or where did you go) and how was your experience? Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you!

Querida bella España,

La semana pasada cumplí 3 años en seguidos en tu tierra. Esta puesta del sol era una de las primeras vistas que disfruté de mi primer paseo por el paseo marítimo, en A Coruña. Era mi nueva casa en aquel tiempo y estaba descubriéndola, pasito a pasito. En esa época no conocí a nadie en Galicia, unha nova terra para mim, pero el amor y pasión que he tenido por tu país y tu gente es más fuerte que nunca y tres años de vivir aquí no lo ha apagado en mí sino ha crecido aún más fuerte. Que cansancio tenía aquel día que llegué en Coruña pero yo estaba lleno de sueños y nuevos planes para los años que vendrían.

3 años. Es casi mil (1.000) días en tu país tan bello y tan diverso. Amo a tu gente, tu idioma, tu comida, tus costumbres, tus paisajes y tus playas. Claro que hay y habrá problemas pero este país me dejado soñar y ser yo misma como nunca he podido hacer antes.

España me atreve ser creativa, aventurera, valiente, generosa, una luchadora, una soñadora, una verdadera amante de la vida.

Torre de Hércules October 2014

La Alhambra (February 2016)

Templo de Debod (June 2017)

Gracias por darme una bienvenida tan grande cuando pisé en su tierra por primera vez cuando tenía 21 años. Tengo tantos recuerdos inolvidables aquí

¿Y ahora? Nunca me imaginé que viviría en la capital, una ciudad tan grande y diversa como el país tí mismo. Diría que soy una persona completamente diferente a la que volvió aquí pero la verdad es que soy como siempre he querido ser. Y me da mucha alegría. No hay precio con el tiempo que he tendido aquí para crecer y floricer como una mujer y amante del idioma español.

Es asombroso lo que puede pasar en poco tiempo y dónde podemos estar.  No puedo esperar ver ni puedo imaginar los rincones que voy a descubrir en el año que viene. 

Sigue soprendiéndome, España. Esoty preparada para la próxima aventura.

Un besazo!

Saludos,

 Sarah la Viajera

This post originally appeared on Instagram //este artículo originalmente aparceció en Instagram. Echálo un vistazo aquí.

Alguna vez has vivido o actualmente vives en España como extranjero/a? Cuéntame tu historia abajo en español o inglés! Tengo muchas ganas de leerlo 🙂

In case you missed part 1 of this story, click here.

Soon enough, it was time to land and then disembark from the plane. Since I was on an international flight, we had to go through customs and put our luggage through another set of scanners and then go on our way.  I did just that but needed to exchange some of my remaining dollar bills first.

I had two things working against me at that point: 1) extremely sore feet from walking a few blocks in Manhattan and 2) a really tired and jet lagged body that just wanted to curl up somewhere and sleep.

I wasn’t fortunate enough to be able to do the latter and I tried to connect my little netbook to the WiFi at the airport and send an email back home before I caught the metro. No such luck. I couldn’t figure out which website to go to once I had connected to the network.

So, I braced myself for the real test. The one I had been studying for…

The metro.

I had to navigate the Madrid metro with no one by my side to guide me and no cell phone service. And my first obstacle right off the bat, after I found the entrance to the metro, was buying a metro ticket. I had never used a subway system in my life, though I had just come from NYC.

After a couple of trials and errors, and even a nice madrileño who offered to help me -but spoke too fast-I managed to buy the ticket to the Atocha train station. My main obstacle was figuring out where to put the coins in! So silly but so frustrating at the time. Once  I would arrive at Atocha, I would catch a high speed train (the AVE) to Sevilla, my final destination.

And as much as you can study something on paper, especially a map, the real test of knowledge comes when you have to put it into practice. This is where you see what you’re made of in tricky situations like those.

Again, I had never used a metro or subway system before. I hadn’t even used a city bus! I had spent most of my life up until that point being driven to a place, walking or riding my bike somewhere or borrowing someone else’s car to get there (sending out thank yous again to several friends in Jacksonville who helped me get around for all those years!).

These modes of transportation are all normal for city dwellers but when you come from a gigantic country like I do with an underdeveloped infrastructure, driving everywhere in a car is the norm.

Now, who can tell me how to get to the Atocha Renfe metro station? (Photo taken in January 2017)

Boy, did I have a lot to learn in such a short time. And unbeknownst to me, back in Ohio during my study sessions, I had somehow chosen the longest route possible to take on my very first morning in Spain.

I lugged my suitcase and bag down the escalators and followed a small crowd of other travelers down to the platform to wait. I hadn’t ever seen any of the things I was looking at before: an overhead digital board that announced in how many minutes the train would arrive and what direction it was headed. Signage for the stops it would make on that line from the starting point at that station.

Let’s back up, though. Direction? “As in North or South, East or West?” I asked myself. It didn’t make sense.

Once I rode the pink line (8) of the end of the line, I got off with many other people but had my heavy suitcase to deal with and keep track of. Plus, I was really wanting to take my black wool coat off as I was starting to burn up on the train. But…I didn’t want another thing to carry in my hands so I kept it on and suffered.

However, the bigger issue at hand was just trying to figure out where the next line (the Circular, line 6) was in the huge station I had presently found myself in. I was able to find the platforms for that line but I foolishly thought choosing a platform was going to be as easy as it was at the airport.  I was very wrong.

So, I asked a friendly-looking older lady nearby for help.

Sometimes the only word between you and getting some help is: “hola.” (in Spain)

I mentioned something to her about needing to go to the Atocha train station and that I didn’t know much about the Madrid Metro. She could tell I had just arrived from some foreign land but she helped me make sense of the map I had in my hand.

And then she dropped some knowledge on me. Something I couldn’t have learned back home (cause I didn’t Google transportation tips – shame on me!) as no one there used metro systems or knew how to read metro maps.

It was at that moment that she explained to me that if I wanted to figure out which direction I needed to go, I needed to look at the very last station on that metro line to get it. The light bulb clicked and suddenly I had felt I had had some pretty powerful information in my head now.

Or at the very least, I wouldn’t look as puzzled as I did at the ticket machine earlier. I’ll take that.

So, once I had figured that out, things were a little bit smoother sailing from then on. Except I was getting ever so tired and more annoyed at how heavy my suitcase was (but would realize later on that I had packed much lighter compared to other students). Luckily I met some good Samaritans along the way.  Gentleman who offered to help me carry my suitcase down a wide staircase with very narrow steps for me.

Spanish guys were pretty nice. Maybe I could get used to this kind of chivalry.

Then, I got lost again once I had made it through all those stops on the Circular from Nuevos Ministerios. (Which in hindsight I now pity my younger self for choosing such a long and tortuous route.)

I knew I didn’t have a working cell phone at the time but all of a sudden I had this burning desire to call my mom and ask for her help. Nothing could quench that desire at that moment. But let’s face it, there’s nothing my mom could do to help me, even I had been able to call her.

She and the rest of my family were fast asleep at home, as it was 5 a.m. for them. I wished I could be asleep in a warm bed, too.

This was the bed that was waiting for me at the end of a very, very long day.

But no, I was off on my international adventure in the middle of a metro system some 4,000 miles away from home. And at the time the only thing that was getting me confused was to find the last line where I needed to get off, which was the line 1 at Pacífico.

Asking more questions and seeing that my questions were answered with more helpful replies and tips, I made it to the last line and then, eventually made it to Atocha. I was a  bit tired and thirsty but I was all in one piece, with luggage in tow.

If I remember correctly, I believe that first metro journey lasted just under 2 hours. Now I know how to get from the airport to the train station much faster and in a more efficient way but back then I didn’t.

I was also jet lagged, frustrated and a little bit shy to ask for help. These are all normal things you experience in your first 24 hours.

It wasn’t until I arrived at the train station all in one piece that I started to notice more details around me. I had observed different fashion styles I had seen on the metro earlier but I didn’t pay too much attention to the way things around me looked. I mean, after all, most of the metro stations started to look the same, minus the different colors to match each metro line.

The train station was enormous and I felt like its size was swallowing me up as I slowly walked towards the main entrance to the long distance trains, my head swiveling around on my neck, trying to take it all in.

And then I noticed the view outside one of the gigantic windows.

As if I were being drawn towards it by a magnet, I walked a little bit faster to get a peek at what was outside.

Madrid.

Not the underground view of it, either. Finally, I was able to catch a glimpse of what a real, major European city looked like. I saw parts of brick structures that made up the train station, a whole line of taxis parked out front (and thought to myself, how many taxis does one city need?!) and then farther off in the distance I saw this tall, historic looking buildings. I tried not to noticed that it was also a pretty gray and dismal January day, but I would soon be enjoying the sunny skies of the South of Spain.

My first ever glimpse and photo of Madrid, la capital.

I had a feeling I was going to enjoy living in Europe these next four months.

After taking a couple of pictures, one of the view outside and one of me after over 24 hours of travel and sightseeing – which today, hat particular photo is called a selfie-, I remembered I was thirsty and lugged my stuff to a nearby vending machine. A juice box, which I hadn’t ever seen in a vending machine back in the US, for just over a euro, caught my eye. (I actually got ripped off at that price as I would later learn that you could get 4-6 of them in pack for the same price but it was good at the time.) It satisfied my thirst for a little bit but after that, I decided it was time for me to go on ahead to my train platform and wait for the train. And maybe take a short cat nap if I was lucky.

Final destination: Seville (photo taken later on in 2016)

So I made my way on over to the main entrance that was next to a huge digital board that listed all of the departing train for the next few hours. I saw “Sevilla – Santa Justa” and took note of the platform number. Where said platform was actually located beyond the buzz of activity past the line for security was beyond me.

As I went through the line with my ticket and passport in hand, I was told to load my ginormous suitcase on to the conveyor belt along with my other bag. That was a lot of fun. *Groan.*

I also walked through the typical security gate with things in my pockets, I’m sure, but that was it.

In the back of my mind I thought Spanish airports and stations didn’t put as much focus on security procedures as the US did. Oh, well. I still felt safe but I was minutes away from sitting down and maybe taking a nap.

Finding a place to sleep and boarding the train in a couple hours were the most exciting things on my mind, haha.

As soon as I found the seating area near my gate, I sat down and inched my suitcase closer to me. Maybe I could turn it on its side and prop my feet up on it.

None of that happened because that’s when the exhaustion set in big time. I ended up falling asleep in my chair, holding my handbag and my carry-on luggage close to me.  I didn’t want to have any of my important things swiped from my hands, after all.

I’m not sure how long I ended up sleeping in that chair but it was long enough for passersby to stop and stare at me. I was probably quite the sight and in hindsight, I probably would’ve stared at me, too, haha.

After what felt like a short nap, but hours of waiting for my train, it was time for me to board. I was finally on my way to my new home in Spain: Sevilla!

I ended up finding my correct seat based on what it said on my ticket, after asking for help, of course, as I was clueless. Once I found the seat, and  the appropriate racks to store my luggage, I sat down and took in the surroundings. I don’t remember too much about what I saw but I do remember being impressed that the train took off on time.

The monitor said 15:00 but my body kept arguing with me that it was really 9 a.m EST and it was trying hard to persuade me to take another snooze. I was sitting in a fairly nicer chair now.

I wouldn’t listen. I was stubborn and decided to pull a book out of my handbag. I don’t remember what it was but I do remember not reading more than a line of it and looking out the window for a few seconds at some very green pastures…I didn’t think Spain had green…I thought.

Then, my eyes shut and my head slowly tilted towards the window.

Bam. I was out like a light.

It wasn’t until many years later that I actually saw what few sights there were on the AVE train line between Madrid and Sevilla because I slept through the entire ride my first time! I was excited to experience my first high speed train but I was at the point of my travels where I couldn’t stay awake.

And the nap was supposed to be refreshing but I think because I didn’t pull the shade down and slept in broad daylight. My poor body clock was so confused.

What I was supposed to admire and enjoy outside my window on the high speed train.

So, that high speed train experience went a lot faster than I should have and by the time I knew it, I was finally in Sevilla! The man next to me was kind enough to retrieve my carry-on luggage for me and as he handed it to me, he said, “Very heavy,” and started to walk down the aisle. Huh?

How did he know I spoke English? (He had plenty of time to read the front cover of whatever book I had in my hand, which was in English, that’s how he knew, haha).

I was able to snap myself out of my slumber and get ready to meet the coordinator for my study abroad program.  I was finally going to be able to talk to someone and start to make a connection with someone who lives in this country.  I was starting to feel excited again and less tired.

But, I forgot one little thing: my actual suitcase. I have no idea what I was thinking but maybe I thought that the train attendants would load the luggage off the train for us?

Again, I was thinking train stations worked like airports. Silly me.

Not too long after I found my coordinator, she told me where my luggage would be (in the Renfe office) and we went to collect it. I was glad to finally get into her car and chat about my journey up until that point. I was feeling a bit more energized but not too much. I was looking forward to the couple whose house I’d be living in for the next month.

And I was looking forward to climbing into a bed and sleeping about 12 hours. Give or take, haha.

The drive to Triana, one of the oldest neighborhoods in the city, was a blur. The only thing that stood out to me was this huge, sort of odd-looking tower towards the river and I kept remarking to myself how big everything looked.

We made it to my host mom, Manoli, and her apartment building fairly quickly. Mary Alice, the coordinator, helped me take my things up not one, not two but five flights of stairs! Bless her. And after Manoli opened the door and greeted us with two kisses on each cheek – that was odd-, and we did our introductions. Mary Alice also went back down to her car and got the 5L jug of olive oil she brought from a family member’s farm (I think?) and gave it to Manoli. I tried not to let my jaw drop as I didn’t know olive oil could be bottled in jugs that big! Wow.

After a short visit, Mary Alice reminded me when and where orientation would be (with her and 3 other girls from  the program in a bar, like no joke) and we said goodbye. Manoli showed me my room and I started to get settled. I desperately wanted to shower and go straight to sleep but I was only able to shower as she wanted to serve me dinner.

Tortellini con mantequilla y queso. Not the meal I had that night but it was one of my favorites later in the semester. (Insert heart eyes.)

The shower felt great and the only thing I remember about dinner was I ate pasta, Manoli’s husband Antonio came home and the two of them chatted with me and told me that “How do you do?” was the only thing the knew how to say in English. They didn’t exactly know what it meant and I was honestly too tired to tell them.

So, once I finished dinner, I thanked Manoli for the meal and wished her buenas noches. To which, she replied, “hasta mañana.”

As I shuffled down the hall, the exhaustion had begun to set in again. Why didn’t she just say buenas noches back? I wondered. That’s strange.

At that point, I didn’t have the energy to contemplate anything else. Not in English nor in Spanish.

And with that final thought, I climbed into my bed that first night and fell fast and blissfully asleep.

I had survived day one. Can’t wait to see what the days to come would hold.

Have you moved abroad before? Was your first day anything like mine was? Share your thoughts in the comments below! I’d love to hear them!

Stay tuned for next week’s addition.

This verdant northwestern corner of Spain is not to be missed. While Santiago is the final destination on the Way of St. James, there is so much more to discover. Whether your visit is long or short, you’ll find dozens of things you can do in this enchanting city. Here are five of my favorites!

1. Take a rooftop tour of the Cathedral

Do this in the late spring or summer to get the clearest views.  For one hour, a guide will show you around the rooftops, explain its history and allow ample time for photos.

2. Eat Galician octopus at O Bogedon Os Concheiros

Santiago is packed with great places to eat from bars to family-style restaurants that serve the freshest seafood.  Wander away from crowded Rúa do Franco and your taste buds will be rewarded with some of the most succulent octopus you’ve ever tried.

3.  Visit the Museo do Pobo Galego

A great way to get a deeper look at the rich culture of this unique region is to visit the museum about the Galician people and their way of life. Don’t forget to snap a photo of the famed spiral staircase inside!

4. Take a hike

Get to know Galicia. Pico Sacro is just a short 30 minute bus ride and then a short hike up to the peak. Your efforts will be rewarded with a stunning view of the surrounding area.

5. Shop at the Mercado de Abastos

Head to where the locals shop. Go early to find deals on fresh seafood and produce.  It’s a busy place but you’ll definitely walk way with your arms full.

Regardless of how much time you have, you’ll leave the city with wonderful memories. Don’t forget to plan a return trip as there are more hidden treasures waiting to be found!